In the beginning, I was skeptical about beginning a blog that deals with the very personal journey of converting to Judaism. To be honest, I am still nervous about this process, but after many months of consideration I am taking the plunge and beginning to share my thoughts and experiences.
For the past year, I have documenting my thoughts and prayers in a journal. Recently, I began a digital journal on my computer specifically for archiving my experiences with Judaism, recalling my first memories of interacting with Judaism to the present days. Today, I begin this blog with the intent to extend my writings into a new medium, become more aware of my journey (past, present, future), and just maybe provide interesting reading for someone else.
When I began to seriously seek out information on conversion, I looked for personal accounts and experiences. Unfortunately, I was largely left unsatisfied with the gap of information with personal experiences. I dug deep into books on halacha (Jewish law), Torah, and the logistics of the conversion process. These books were invaluable to my study and decision to convert, but without hearing more stories of converts I was left confused about the practical and emotional issues I was going through. I have a friend who converted to Judaism, but we are coming from such different places in our quest that she left me with more confusion than strength. I read and heard multiple stories of Jewish converts, but it wasn’t enough. Conversion, and the reason for conversion, is very personal and different for everyone. For every story I read that spoke to me and I related to, I would have twenty more I just did not understand. I began to branch out my search for personal accounts of people converting to any religion. These were some of the most helpful stories, but at the end of the day we were still facing unique issues because of the difference in religion. When thinking about how to tell my parents about wanting to convert, I even consulted stories from the LGBT community about coming “out” to their parents. There just is not enough personal, anecdotal information out there for those interested in converting to Judaism.
A very good friend is in a very similar place as I am, on the journey to join Israel. He has provided more help than any book or other resource in understanding my journey. He lives in a different country than I do, so the internet is the only way we communicate. Still, the ability to share our experiences with each other has made the world make just a little more sense. We are able to share practical issues, such as how to observe mitzvot (commandments) as a person converting, and emotional issues, such as dealing with family issues related to our conversion. Even though these are very personal issues, I see it as necessary to share my experiences so someone else will have them as a resource, not at all as a guide but as a friend’s story. I can not provide this experience for everyone, but I hope by sharing my story I am doing the little bit I can to fill the gap, provide someone else with some things to think about, and maybe help someone find their own words to describe their journey.
Speaking of words, they often fail, especially when trying to describe religious experiences. Not only will I be unable to find the perfect words to explain my experiences, but I can do nothing more than describe my unique experiences. I encourage anyone reading to ask questions and comment on their journey with Judaism or their own faith, even if not a convert. We are all on our own journey.
And for that journey, a prayer:
“May it be Your will, Adonai, God of our ancestors, to lead us in peace and guide our steps in safety so that we may arrive at our destination, alive, happy and in peace.”