Craving a Cheeseburger

Shavua Tov (Good Week).

Shabbat has just ended a few hours ago, and I am thrust back into time amid the final weeks of school. Papers need to be written, and I have more test to study for than I care to think about. It is especially in weeks like these that Shabbat becomes an even more beautiful and necessary part of my life. Shabbat has become a sustaining act in my life, and I hope that it will remain one as I continue to learn how to better guard and remember Shabbat throughout my life.

Shabbat is sacred, but even on Friday night and Saturday, as I try to be holier and closer to God, I am just an ordinary human. I had a wonderful Shabbat yesterday/today, but after shul this morning I couldn’t help but crave some non-kosher food. I had lunch earlier at shul and had prepared food for Shabbat, but all the restaurants I passed kept calling my name. I began to fantasize about stopping in for a cheeseburger or really any food that I haven’t had in a long time.It has been 3 years since I last ate pork, and yet sometimes I just want some pork ribs. It is not only non-kosher food that I sometimes miss. There are many things I am giving up by converting to Judaism. Even on the holiest day, sometimes I just want to go out with friends or watch t.v.

I can fool myself into thinking that all these craving will go away when I become Jewish, but I know better. Being Jewish will not suddenly make me forget how good some non-kosher food is. What is more important is trying to keep the mitzvot (commandments), even when its easier not to. I am not yet obligated by the mitzvot, but I know that becoming Jewish is a process and I should try to adhere by the mitzvot already.

So… I came home after shul to read, nap, and eat a vegan bean burger that I prepared ahead of time.

Being Jewish is Expensive

I am not Jewish yet, but I hope to be one day. The process of converting to Judaism has entailed many unforeseeable aspects, one of which is how expensive it is to convert. It is all the little things along the way in the conversion process that really start to add up.

As a college student, money is always an issue, namely not having enough of it. I work part time on campus and my parents help me with books and groceries, but I rarely have extra money to spend. Converting has taken all of my extra money plus some money that should have been spent elsewhere.

Here are some of my conversion expenses:

-Switching my diet to only kosher food: My diet is now vegetarian kosher. This limits my dining out, which saves me money, but has also forced me to switch brands on many of my groceries. I can no longer buy the same milk or eggs as before, and many of the tried and true generic brands are no longer available to me. While the price difference is usually not too much, in the long run I have noticed an increase in my monthly grocery bill. There was also the one time cost of getting kosher cookware for my kitchen. I donated all my old pots, pans, and plates and started over with new utensils, plates, bowls, pots and pans. I know it seems extravagant to start all over instead of going through the process of making my cookware kosher, but once again, I am a college student so I didn’t have too many dishes living in a dorm/small apartment.

-Books: Starting a Jewish library is a necessity for those interested in conversion. This has been my biggest expenditure for conversion. Part of the reason is I just love to read so it is hard to restrain myself from some new books, but the other part of it is that books are an essential part of the learning process in conversion. I visit amazon.com almost everyday looking for new books and buy at least one about every week. They have been wonderful to learn from and to study on Shabbat, but even buying books online becomes expensive. I look at the books as investments into my future Jewish library that will fill my home with commentaries of all sorts. I am trying to build up a collection of Jewish books, including Rashi’s commentaries on Torah and the Bavli, but I also know I will be moving in a few months for graduate school and will more than likely not be able to take all these books with me.

-Hanukkah: Hannukah is coming up, and for the holiday I bought my first hanukiah and set of candles today. As per tradition, I bought the most beautiful one I could afford. I am very excited to celebrate the holiday with my own hanukiah for the first time, but it is a lot of money to spend for eight days. Of course, I will have the hanukiah for years to come and will only need to buy new candles in the future.

-Shabbat: Shabbat itself doesn’t require money. You can’t even spend money on Shabbat, but all the preparation requires some money. I bought a slow cooker, so I would be able to prepare food for Shabbat, and timers for my lights, so I wouldn’t need to turn them on or off during Shabbat. I also have to buy candles to light before Shabbat starts on Friday and a special candle for the Havdalah service when Shabbat ends Saturday night. I have not invested in beautiful sets of candle holders or Havdalah sets, but I want to and will need to have something more permanent than a bottle of cinnamon and cheap candle holders at some point.

-Gas: When I was a practicing Christian, I attended Church nearby and never had to drive to services. Now that I attend synagogue regularly, I have to drive across town to get to services and classes. I spend about an hour in traffic one way, during rush hour, and attend about three or four times a week. The money spent on gas really adds up.

These are just some ideas of the expenses I have encountered during my conversion process. I am sure there will be more, and while my bank account cringes, I smile because all of the expenses are helping to construct my new identity within the Jewish community.

Looking Towards Shabbat

There are still many hours until we enter into Shabbat, but I am already full of anticipation. I spent today, Thursday, busy with preparations for Shabbat. I bought groceries, set up fresh candles, prepared the slow cooker for a meal, set the light timer, and ironed my clothes for services. All this preparation, in addition to my classwork and normal responsibilities, is a lot to get done in one evening. Although I have to go through a long list of duties, it is exciting because it is part of the overall experience of meeting Shabbat. In the past weeks, since I have been attending Shul regularly and implementing more Jewish practices into my life, it is these moments of stress, and sometimes even chaos, where I find joy. I always looked forward to dressing in my “Sunday best,” but now I have a whole new way of greeting the holiest day of the week, where I find G-d, community, and shalom (wholeness). The preparations remind me of the importance of Shabbat and helps me to reflect as the work week comes to an end. I thank G-d not only for the grandeur and holiness that is Shabbat, but for the opportunity find meaning in the juxtaposition of the holy with the mundane in the moments that precede Shabbat.

I wish everyone a safe journey for Shabbat as we move from the realm of space into the realm of time for Shabbat and then back. May your soul(s) find comfort, joy and rest on the day that G-d made distinct and holier than any other day. I hope that we all find some way to  live so that Shabbat is clearly unique and meaningful to each of us in our own way. Shabbat Shalom.