Anticipating My First Shabbat as a Jew!

Shabbat is my favorite Jewish thing. It beats Purim, kosher wine and even bagels. Shabbat is breath outside of time filled with songs, prayers, meals and Torah. Best of all, Shabbat involves moments within community. Shabbat being the same day for Jews around the world allows me to feel connected to those Jews even beyond my own shul.

This is my first Shabbat as a Jew. I now feel even more in connection with all the other Jews commanded to rest on Shabbat. I look forward to no longer being the ger (although I was always welcomed). I look forward to dwelling in Shabbat in a whole new way. Shabbat is no longer something I observe Jews keeping and try to participate in. This Shabbat is my first Shabbat that is me keeping a mitzvah. Shabbat is no longer something I do. Shabbat, along with the 612 other mitzvot, is who I am.

With the help of Hashem, I will dwell is Shabbat and allow Shabbat to fully dwell in me.

Shabbat Shalom.

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I am a Jew.

*Deep Breath*

Today was the day. Today, I became a Jew.

The past few days have been a whirlwind. I am going to write out the experiences in order, but wanted to start with a short thought on today, right now.

“I, Elisheva Sima, am a Jew.”

These words are still unbelievable, but the feeling of truth and joy makes me want to let the whole world know. I pray that from this day forward my actions will scream it, my words will represent it, and my soul will forever whisper it.

My weekly meditation: Habakkuk 3:2

“…though angry, remember Your compassion.” Habakkuk 3:2

Each week, I pick a verse or even a few words of Scripture or something else meaningful to meditate on each day. Something that I feel relates to my current situation and can be meaningful and relevant in times of joy and sorrow.  With the changes of everyday, each day I find new meaning within the words.

This week, the words that have really stuck with me are the words of Habakkuk as he pleads with Hashem to be compassionate and return to Jerusalem. These words have served as a personal plea within myself this week. I cry out from within my heart each day for patience and compassion as pray to Hashem, interact with others, and evaluate myself. Most importantly, I try to be fully present in my relationships with others and connect with them past superficial levels. Though I am in a state of stress and anxiety, I try my best to bring my whole self to my relationships and reach out in new ways. I try to find patience with Hashem, others, myself and life. When I begin to fill with negativity, I take a deep breath and ground myself with the words, “…though angry, remember your compassion.”

Tu B’shvat- The New Year of the Trees

Hag Sameach!

Tu B’shvat, the New Year of the Trees, just began a few hours ago. This is the first year I celebrate Tu B’shvat, and I was lucky enough to attend a seder for the holiday at my synagogue.

I spend my work week studying Judaism with my academic hat on and especially lately, have been analyzing liturgy. Of course, there is some intersection and overlap between my personal religious life and the material I read and write academically, but it is easy to get distracted by the academic questions.

Tonight, with the beautiful poetry and symbolism in the Hagaddah, I was able to let the visions of peaceful trees and nature take over me. More than once, I got caught up in the beautiful feelings and lost track of what was going on around me as I focused on one word or idea that had significance for me in that moment.

It is those moments, when I just lose myself, that I know I am in love. I know I love Hashem. I know I love Torah. I know I love Judaism. And I know I love all the people of Israel and cannot wait to be one of them.

The intensity of the feeling, like all feelings, passes or fades, sometimes even as quickly as it came. That does not mean that the love is no longer there or that I can never have it back. Our relationship with religion is like any relationship. We have cycles with highs and lows. We have days we want to give it our all and days we just want to hide in bed. That is okay. It is more realistic, and healthy, to not ignore any emotion but feel them for what they are and honestly acknowledge their presence in the moment. Judaism teaches that each new moment is full of new potential. Do not dwell on moments past, but be fully present in this moment so that it too can pass and you will be given a brand new moment, a brand new breath full of possibilty.

In this moment, I want to thank Hashem, the Source of all, for giving us the wonderful trees and plants of the earth to shelter and nourish us. May we continue to be inspired by the ever changing seasons and renewal of the trees that show us that new seasons, new days, and new moments bring new possibilities for renewing our whole selves.

Looking Towards Shabbat

There are still many hours until we enter into Shabbat, but I am already full of anticipation. I spent today, Thursday, busy with preparations for Shabbat. I bought groceries, set up fresh candles, prepared the slow cooker for a meal, set the light timer, and ironed my clothes for services. All this preparation, in addition to my classwork and normal responsibilities, is a lot to get done in one evening. Although I have to go through a long list of duties, it is exciting because it is part of the overall experience of meeting Shabbat. In the past weeks, since I have been attending Shul regularly and implementing more Jewish practices into my life, it is these moments of stress, and sometimes even chaos, where I find joy. I always looked forward to dressing in my “Sunday best,” but now I have a whole new way of greeting the holiest day of the week, where I find G-d, community, and shalom (wholeness). The preparations remind me of the importance of Shabbat and helps me to reflect as the work week comes to an end. I thank G-d not only for the grandeur and holiness that is Shabbat, but for the opportunity find meaning in the juxtaposition of the holy with the mundane in the moments that precede Shabbat.

I wish everyone a safe journey for Shabbat as we move from the realm of space into the realm of time for Shabbat and then back. May your soul(s) find comfort, joy and rest on the day that G-d made distinct and holier than any other day. I hope that we all find some way to  live so that Shabbat is clearly unique and meaningful to each of us in our own way. Shabbat Shalom.